Don't Get Killed by a Bear
Avoid bear conflict by understanding their behavior.
Unless you’re a Berserkr, you should leave bears alone, and do your best so bears leave you alone as well (what they usually do anyway).
Don’t travel around during early morning or in the evening, particularly along streams and rivers. Best place and time to run into a bear.
Don’t settle down in areas where there is evidence of bear activity, such as fresh tracks, scat, claw marks or hair on trees, evidence of digging, torn up logs and stumps, day beds, or the presence of animal carcasses. This is not your turf.
Sing “Drømde mik en drøm i nat” at all times to alert bears of your presence (plus, talking about fur should send a clear message to the beast).
Whatever you use to keep your beard under control, make sure it is unscented. As well, make sure you follow Reginsmál stanza 25: Always be clean so bears don’t smell you.
If you have a feast, don’t sleep in the same clothes you used to cook and stuff your face. Bears might simply think you’re some left overs.
Don’t store game, food, or mead wherever you sleep and don’t feed bears. Unless you want an impromptu visit in the middle of the night. Right. You do, but not from a bear!
If, despite your best efforts, you run into a bear, or a bear runs into you, here are a few suggestions on how you should handle yourself, based on the situation.
The Bear Minding Its Own Business
The bear's head is down, the bear is feeding, and seems unaware of your presence. Or the bear appears aware of your presence, but does not show any sign of aggression or stress, and is not moving directly towards you.
Quietly and slowly move away from the bear, while watching the bear for any change of behavior, or any confirmation that the bear has actually spotted you.
Try to leave the way you came, or if this is not possible, make a wide detour to stay as far as possible from the bear. Do not make sudden movements. Do not corner the bear. Do not run. Do not turn your back to the bear.
If you cannot avoid the bear, make sure the bear knows you’re around. Talk to the bear nicely, slowly wave your arms, and move away, preferably upwind.
The Gossiping Bear
The bear is trying to identify you. It is being stationary, standing on its hind legs, or slowly swinging its head from side to side.
Allow the bear to identify you as a Viking (in contrast to a reindeer, or a sow).
Then, same thing as with a bear minding its own business. Quietly and slowly move away from the bear, while watching the bear for any change of behavior. Try to leave the way you came, or if this is not possible, make a wide detour to stay as far as possible from the bear. Do not make sudden movements. Do not corner the bear. Do not run. Do not turn your back to the bear.
If the bear starts approaching you, stop and start talking to the bear again, nicely, but firmly. Don’t scream like a school girl, and don’t throw anything at the bear as it may trigger an attack. Once the bear stops, resume moving slowly away.
The Pissed Off Bear
The bear is panting, growling, hissing, or huffing, quickly swinging its head, popping its jaw, displaying its teeth or claws, staring with eye contact, has its ears laid back on its head, is charging or bluff-charging from a distance, slapping its feet on the ground, swatting vegetation, or turning sideways to display its size.
Do not appear threatening and talk to the beast in a calm yet firm voice. Forget you’re a Víkingr for a moment, and try to look as humble and as non-threatening as possible. Retreat slowly, while keeping your eyes on the bear. Be sure the bear has an escape route and give the animal an opportunity to leave.
Do not imitate the bear's defensive or aggressive behavior as the animal may see it as a challenge to its dominance. Do not make sudden movements. Do not scream. Do not throw anything. Do not corner the bear. Do not run. Do not turn your back to the bear.
If the bear keeps approaching you, this is trouble. Use your weapon if you have one. If not, try to play dead, protecting your vital organs with your hands locked behind your neck. Do not scream or struggle. Let the bear paw you around for a bit. Wait for the attack to stop, and for the bear to leave, before you move. If the bear starts biting you, however, this is war. Fight to kill with everything you’ve got (see below for more details).
The Bear Declaring War to All Víkingar
The bear is aware of your presence, is coming specifically towards you, and is less than 50 meters from you. -or- The bear is charging, or is placing itself in attack position by looking directly at you, possibly with its head lowered and its ears laid back on the head. The bear is coming at you at high speed, on all four legs, with its body crouched low on the ground. -or- The bear has already identified you as a human, and does not show signs of stress or defensive behavior. Instead, the bear shows intense interest in you, circles you, follows you, or make cautious approaches.
If the bear is being defensive (such as a sow with cubs, or a surprised bear), you have the option to play dead in an attempt to diffuse the situation.
If the bear is not defensive, but predatory, or if the bear starts biting you, you must not play dead, and you must fight the bear as hard as you can, with whatever you have, aiming at the nose and eyes, with the clear goal to kill the beast! You must also appear as aggressive as possible. Climb on things to look tall, wave your arms, show and grind your teeth, stare at the bear in the eyes, stomp your feet and take a couple of steps towards the beast, speak loudly and aggressively, shout and throw things, anything, at the animal.
The Bear that Thinks Víkingar are Fast Food
The bear has already identified you as a Víkingr, and does not show signs of stress or defensive behavior. Instead, the bear shows intense interest in you, circles you, follows you, or make cautious approaches. This is a rare instance for brown and black bears, but rather typical behavior for polar bears.
You must appear as aggressive as possible. Climb on anything to look tall, wave your arms, show and grind your teeth, stare at the bear in the eyes, stomp your feet and take a couple of steps towards the beast, speak loudly and aggressively, shout and throw things, anything, at the animal. Make the beast clearly understand you are a nasty Víkingr who is going to put up a good fight (Valhöll awaits)!
If the bear starts approaching you, DO NOT PLAY DEAD! Use your weapons to kill if available (we kindly refer to Hávamál verse 38). If not, you must fight the bear as hard as you can, with whatever you’ve got, aiming at the nose and eyes, with the clear goal to kill the beast!
Info Sheet
How the fuck are you gonna remember all this you think? You won’t. Let’s be real. So, here’s an easy reference info sheet!
Can’t read shit? Here’s the PDF version.
